Altogether Falling Apart

America rejoices as the political glass ceiling finally shatters for hot people.

Sen. Joe Biden cried at a news conference today, which was met with resounding applause. Until now most scientists believed politicians to be free of tear ducts. Dr. Glen Sheinbrower of UCLA Medical Center commented, "This is really new territory. We don't know how much practice this sort of thing took for Senator Biden, but we will be watching him closely for the next few weeks."

Conspiracy websites are abuzz as Ted Kennedy finally admits that he is, in truth, Barbara Bush.

As Bush prepares to exit White House, several Effigy Doll manufacturing companies have been forced to close plants throughout the Middle East.

As the Beijing Olympics come to a close, China begins its traditional incineration of Chinese athletes who didn't win gold.

A White House key party: Obama concedes that the "change" he was talking about is different than the public's initial understanding.

A New Olympic Sporting Event: Massage.

Well, the first results are in. Most of you agree with me that the worst among those pets listed would be a headless dog with forks for feet. Not only would it scare friends, it would ruin wood floors. It's food would have to be pre-masticated and then funneled into it's open throat. That's just altogether horrible. Anyone who voted that a talking human finger or a gorilla who sings Judy Garland songs would be worse, clearly knows something that I don't. I could make friends with either of those pets, but the headless dog? REALLY?